so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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