So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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