This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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