You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
