you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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