I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
