I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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