saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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