trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
