UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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