I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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