Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.