He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
