How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
