Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements