That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.