I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
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I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.