thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
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Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.