Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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