It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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