Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
