The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i out mim tonsoeep
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
