You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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