Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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