i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
cat food counts as protein by the way
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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