The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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