Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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