This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
