1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat