I wannas sexs uuuuu
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.