Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.