Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come