I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.