Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.

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  (720): I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit. http://tfl.nu/09qd
  Replies (19) Good night (485) Bad night (3641) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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  (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2
  Replies (55) Good night (6119) Bad night (948)
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  (716): View more from New York

  ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.

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  (716): ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck. http://tfl.nu/am3q
  Replies (7) Good night (1353) Bad night (2549) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.

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  (978): I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine. http://tfl.nu/o5fg
  Replies (15) Good night (2639) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?

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  (904): So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer? http://tfl.nu/mn6g
  Replies (14) Good night (5372) Bad night (1598) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light

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  (240): To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light http://tfl.nu/8hcx
  Replies (7) Good night (1353) Bad night (1811) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"

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  (778): I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie" http://tfl.nu/vq1n
  Replies (17) Good night (1905) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?

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  (920): Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas? http://tfl.nu/uhrx
  Replies (6) Good night (1040) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...

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  (860): I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat... http://tfl.nu/q3ep
  Replies (5) Good night (1430) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus

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  (832): i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus http://tfl.nu/kvpc
  Replies (2) Good night (1468) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.

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  (763): After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer. http://tfl.nu/6vsc
  Replies (9) Good night (1108) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.

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  (814): Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud. http://tfl.nu/9n74
  Replies (5) Good night (867) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show

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  (775): Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show http://tfl.nu/uyql
  Replies (4) Good night (1107) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.

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  (281): Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy. http://tfl.nu/smj8
  Replies (2) Good night (256) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.

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  (289): I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward. http://tfl.nu/nn3r
  Replies (4) Good night (280) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt

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