i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.