Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.