Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??