okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him