Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
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You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off