Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
