It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
