some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
