Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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