I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
