similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
