Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
