I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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