thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
