hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?