Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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