I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation