I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you