Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he had hair everywhere except his balls