Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?