This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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