Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
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i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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