My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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