Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
