you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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