i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
