Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
then he tried to convert me to islam
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
