dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess