if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...