My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break