Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
