We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm experimenting with sincerity
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize