She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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